The Myth of Inevitable Friction

Reflections from a Month in a Camper Van

The funny thing about traveling with Rani (yes, we share a birthday yesterday, June 11—though a few years apart) for a month in a camper van was the reactions we got from friends afterward. “Wow, that must have been hard,” they said. “How many fights did you get in? Are you guys sick of each other now?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Their questions were so far from the reality we lived.

It got me thinking: what do other relationships look like? Not just romantic ones, but all kinds—friendships, family, even work. How often do we assume that sharing space inevitably leads to friction?

I’ve always sensed that when two people take responsibility for their own emotional states, something shifts. There’s an opportunity to connect—not by ignoring or smoothing over differences, but by embracing them. By loving the other not despite their quirks and complexities but because of them.

That’s been my journey, and I’m lucky to have found a partner who walks this path too.

It doesn’t mean we never have tough moments. But I’ve learned (and I think Rani would say the same) that whatever tension arises isn’t really about the other person. It’s about me. My charge, as Gabor Maté calls it—the residual stuff inside me, just waiting to be triggered. The other person might light the match, but the fuel? That’s mine.

And that’s where responsibility comes in. Not blame, not guilt, but responsibility. To feel the charge and decide how to process it. To choose love—again and again—not just in the easy moments but especially when the charge flares up.

So on this special day—a day after our shared birthday—I offer this reflection to my love, to Rani, and to anyone out there navigating relationships of all kinds.

Getting along isn’t about avoiding friction. It’s about learning to see the self in the dynamic. It’s about recognizing that I’m never fully separate from the reactions I get. And it’s about meeting those moments with grace, curiosity, and, above all, love.

Here’s to another year of shared journeys, camper vans, beautiful memories, and the kind of love that deepens through it all.

PS: I almost forgot, it’s also our wedding anniversary.